A guy is walking down the street with some chicken wire under his arm. His neighbor sees him and asks what he has.

The guy replies, "Its chicken wire and I'm going to catch some chickens." His neighbor says, "You fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire." Later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 chickens.

The next day, he sees him walking down the street with some duct tape under his arm. Once again he asks what the guy is up to. The guy says he has some duct tape and he is going to catch some ducks. He replies, "You fool, you can't catch ducks with duct tape." Sure enough later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 ducks behind him.

The next day, he sees the guy walking with something else under his arm. He asks what it is. The guy replies, "Its pussy willow." He says, "Hold on, let me get my hat."

I haven't heard that one in so long that it was funny all over again. Thanks Monster 14.

http://aclu.org/pizza/images/screen.swf Friday Funny.... Late for the party by 55 minutes give or take.

HUSBANDS FOR SALE!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman
may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a
description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper
ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .... You may choose any man from
a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back
down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good
looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the
fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good
looking and help with the housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still,
she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead
gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this
floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the
building, and have a nice day!

Good one, we need more of these.

Sorry boys but I had 2 lol

This was nominated for best joke of the year - worth sharing.
A Somali arrives in Vancouver as a new immigrant to Canada . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says ... 'Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!'

The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican.'

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ' Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Canada !'
The person says, 'I not Canadian, I Vietnamese.'

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful Canada !'

That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Middle East , I am not Canadian !'
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you a Canadian ?'
She says , 'No, I am from Africa !'
Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Canadians ?'
The African lady checks her watch and says ....'Probably at work'

IF YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON, TOMORROW AT 11:30 AM
YOU WILL RECEIVE THREE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ABSOLUTELY FREE

Coyote Population

The Alberta Government and the Alberta Forest Service were
presenting an alternative to Alberta ranchers for controlling the
coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the
tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the
tree-huggers had a 'more humane' solution.
What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males
would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the population
would be controlled.. This was ACTUALLY proposed to the Alberta
Ranching Association and Farming Association by the Alberta
Government and the Alberta Forest Service.
All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of
minutes. Finally, one of the old boys in the back of the conference
room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, 'Son, I don't think you
understand our problem.
Those coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep - they're eatin' 'em!'
You should have been there to hear the roar of laughter!

Check out following photo:

"Mom? I've got a question. The guys at school are using words I don't
understand."
"What words, dear?"
"Pussy and Bitch."
Mom inhaled sharply, but then said: "Oh, that's easy. A pussy is a cat,
like our little Chico. A bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy."

"Thanks, Mom.." He then found his Dad out in the garage.

"Dad, the guys at school are using words I don't understand."
"What words, son?"
"Pussy and bitch. I asked Mom, but I don't think she told me the right
meanings."

Dad said: "Son, never ask your mother about these things, ask me instead.
Let me explain it like this."
He pulled a Playboy from his workbench, turned to the centerfold, and drew circle around the pubic area and said: "Son, everything inside the
circle is pussy."

"Okay, Dad. Then what's a bitch?"
Dad replied: "Everything outside the circle."

j/k if any ladies read this

Thanks for a true LOL today!

This one gets a10 out of 10

DON CHERRY of Hockey Night in Canada was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT:

"If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will save just one Canadian life, then I have only three things to say:
'Red is positive, black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet'." !!!

* Last updated by: Romans on 1/14/2010 @ 4:18 PM *

That man some big NU.S. LOL

haha. Jokes and reality are two different things. Funny joke, not so funny in reality. I admire the guys outspokeness and the sentiment is surely not uncalled for. We can't stoop to using those kind of methods to gather intelligence though. I'm sure torture is used and is kept quiet when the stakes are high enough. If it becomes public, there is some low ranking officer set up to take the fall for the whole thing. The end justifies the means? Someone had to make that decision and a part of it was avoiding responsibility if it ever was discovered.

Dear Penis Tune

* Last updated by: Romans on 1/19/2010 @ 5:05 PM *

Thanks. The end is great. LOL!

A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE.

THE TICKET AGENT ASKED,

"SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"

THE OLD FARMER SAID,

"THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."

"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT.

"WE CAN NOT ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER."

THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS.
HE THEN RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER.

HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.

THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER
UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.

"MARGE," MILDRED WHISPERED.

"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.

"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?

"HE UNBUTTONED HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT, MILDRED WHISPERED.

"WELL, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT," SAID MARGE .. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL"

"I THOUGHT SO TOO," SAID MILDRED,

"BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN 'MY POPCORN!

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."